When We Get Married

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When We Get Married

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Yet I could see my cousins in Iran who had all married by means of "Khastegary" (Where parents of the groom go to the house of the bride and express their intention), and they all seemed very happy. I also remember all my cousins had had girl friends prior to marraige. I could not understand why they did not marry there girlfriends. I asked my closest cousin Massood why he married a "total stranger" in preference to one of his past girl friends. His answer was "But Farzad Jan, I want a 'najeeb' (pure) wife, those girl friends are 'yek Bar Masraf' (disposable type)." His double standards were always a mystery to me. How could he date these girls, if he thought them to be of such low esteem? What did these girls think when they were with him ? In My eyes he was not worthy of their affection. I always considered my girl friends as equal to my self, and his behaviour always angered me. Now , many years later, I am married to my sweet heart, and thankfully we are surviving the seventh year of our marriage (Seven year Itch). But I still see many of my young Iranian friends struggle to make the decision as to who to marry. Some have chosen the traditional root of leaving the wife picking to their parents. The parents, using the well organised under ground movement of eligible-young-girls-looking-for-a-husband network in Iran, soon find a distant relative living in Iran who seems to be them perfect for their son. Then I see other friends who have chosen to marry western wives, (some just to gain a visa for residency). They have the most difficult task ahead of them. Many end up divorced, and sadly have children by their western wives. Cross cultural marriages require both partners to compromise, and knowing how pig headed most Iranian men can be, it then lies almost entirely with the western wife to adapt to the life of an Iranian wife. Then there are those, like myself, who have met there Iranian sweet heart, fallen in love, and arranged there own marriage - sometimes against the will of their families. They share much in common, and have grown up in similar, hostile, foreign conditions. They are westernised, but still treasure the deeper cultural values of their legacy. Of all the different possibilities, it is they who have the strongest chance of survival. And yet I see them struggle too. It seems that when Iranian men get married, they wish to impose their dominance on their wives; they throw away all the years of western education, and human equality, and expect their wives to be subservient. How can such a transition take place ? What happens to all those years of education ? I guess the answer is that we may have learned to read & write in our westernised countries, but our education is skin deep. Inside, we still carry the same old values, and, as I have found, keeping on top of those values is a mighty struggle. Our biggest enemy is ourselves. We want our wives to look beautiful, and be charming. We want our wives to fulfil our physical needs, and keep up with our open minded approach to making love. We want our wives to make our houses into homes, and take care of domestic issues. But when we get home, we want her to forget all that, and say yes master. Well, we can dream on.

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Re: MINORITIES IN IRAN

From: Bahadur
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Hmm, intellegent post are desplaid, fighitng with each over instead of working togheter can creat and VERY VERY NASTY SIATUATION, LOOK AT YUGOSLAVIA, DO YOU KNOW TAHT HAPPEND THER AFTER TITO'S DEATH, Thought Iran is much larger and the political and economical sitauation are much more deep'r then in yugoslavia , you will have a scenario which will be much worse thean in yugoslavia and the devastation would maybe develemp into almost total destraction, this is nothing that I nake You Just look at as I said yougoslavia and Lebanon. I think I is nasty example's. Thought if every peolpe in Iran "get" there independenc and creat a state it would'nt survive. Thoght if you are going to survive as a survine state wiht good economic conditions , YOU ARE forced to have good relations with your neighbours and not kill them ( make war with them) . And another thing that is important , is that you shall not forgett that , if everybody tries to develop nwe technology's and old techonligy's it will coast so mcuh that you wouldn't afford it. The independent state would be so poor taht it coul'ndt even feed the popualtion with bread. Yes that's what teh history has show'n. Instead of sending nasty posts to each other , you should instead copparate. Your ethnic background according to me is not important when you want to solve a problem that envolves everyone. You should'nt judge people after their ethnic or try to seem them as an ethnic group, no you should seem them as human being's which has a mothertongue that they speak. You couln'dt condem someone . you should let them freely speak out and let teh perosn read what it want's. You should give all their rights , YES all and not some ultra-nationalistic rihgts which limits the rights. enghou said, The people wh read the nasty post shall be aware that they don't represnet any people or party. There are very warm and freindly and pure in their heart , individs from all diffrent people , tahy shuold be th representive of an people not some angry hig school student's who are frustead and blaim each other for teh misrable situation of Iran. And finnaly I got amased by someone who send a post saying taht he would die for this present regime,,hehehehe hahahaha hohooho hihihih hihih oh ohoho hahah, that was very funny. It must have been a pastar, hehehe.... thought , this regime want survie for long. Peace and for equal rights for all people, for Old and young , for man and women . Yes some day in the near future the peoples of Iran will begin to develop such deeds when the mollas are replaced. The new time will be harsh at it's begging and yes in som yeasr but toghter the whole effert would come truth. If you have any complains , notifay me on this page Regards Bahadur